Parents/Adults Forum

My daughter Maya is 5 (5 3/4 she insists). She was diagnosed with Asperger in August. Her year of junior kindergarden (last year) was very hard on our family and especially on her. Now she is in kidergarden (jardin). She goes to a french school in Ottawa and they are now aware of the diagnosis. This said, we still have to endure judgment from the school pricipal who will not be so specific but always implies that the behaviour that comes out at school is a result of our action or lack of actions at home.Recently she had her whole class following her in a chaos of running around in class. When she was physicaly removed by the educator she hit the educator. Then in the office she hit the VP. This resulted in a 1 1/2 day suspension. The pricipal is convinced that her manipulative behaviour shown in the office is a result of lack of discipline. So few girls have Asperger we are looking for ways of dealing with these kinds of situations as I am sure they will continue. If anyone has any experiences with girls and asperger I would be interested in their stories. Chris.

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Asperger Girls

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 2006-10-30 19:55.

Cherise, Thanks for your kind words and advice. We have just been vindicated by the asd specialists that met with our schools Pricipal and VP. They explained the behaviour and explained that the suspension was a step backward and explained that while the behaviour can be too much at times and they may need to call us that it should be done on extreme occations and that sending her away is not the answer. We have been instinctively using much of the privilage and taking away of them as our form of discipline. Boy were time outs inefective! I am wondering how much anyone really knows about asperger in girls. Questions about it tend to always come back that everyone is an individual so their stories are all different. This being said there are certainly different challenges growing up for girls than for boys and this must have some impact on how they will react to the world around them. Do you have any issues or stories of how your daughter might have excelled or stumbled in her relationships. I know the dynamic for girls is different, there must be different stories than the ones I've heard. Im not sure if any of my experiences could be of use for you as Im sure you are trying to look forward but if there are any questions I can answer I would be pleased to do so. Chris.

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A lesson needs to be taught, BUT NOT TO YOUR DAUGHTER!

Submitted by Anonymous on Sun, 2006-10-29 21:49.

Hi Chris, I realize that having an Aspie daughter is not as common as having an Aspie Son, but regardless of gender we all face the same arrogant attitudes at the hands of the school system. I have a few suggestions these are some of the things we did when Joshua (our son) was first starting school. When Joshua was in Kindergarden, for what little time he was actually there, his behaviours became out of control. He had to be removed from school daily and I would always find him sitting under a desk, bitting his knees and crying. There would always be a TA/ERW who had no training or experience with Autism or Asperger's trying to either lecture him or coax him out from where he was hiding. AS soon as he would see me all would be fine. The school questioned us as to what was going on at home and implied rather politely *(OR NOT)* that maybe he needed more disipline. HA! We educated ourselves and then we educated the school. I went to Autism symposiums, Asperger conferences and resource centers where I bought, borrowed and photo copied books and articles about Aspie behaviour. I spent countless sleepless nights researching Autism HFA ASpergers and methods of behaviour modification. Then I went into the school! I brought my sons diagnosis, and I brought as many articles and as much info as I could carry and I educated the educators! I explained to them what the big umbrella of Autism is all about considering most of them only seen "Rain Man" and assumed thats what Autism Spectrum Disorder is (so they considered themselves quite knowledgable! (UNBELIEVABLE) I offered to have someone come in and train staff and explain to the other children what was going on with this boy who looked just liked them but acted entirely different. No flat out refused! Thier ego would allow an outsider to tell them something they assumed they already knew! (haow to treat behavioural problems) so wrong!! I left papers and brought in childrens books writen by Aspie children about Apsie children. I brought in all kinds of information and little by little they began to understand that this wasn't just a BAD CHILD (because really he's not) After finally getting the information to them, a PDD team was brought in only to tell us "Joshua does not fit the criterion for the Autism or PDD classrooms". So they could offer him one hour a day and someone would have to be on call to pick him up at the drop of a dime (or they wuold call the police to handle him!) Thats was when we gave up on the public school system! (we pulled him out he is now homeschool and doing so much better we have no melt downs and the stress he experienced while trying to get an education is gone! Keep fighting! Its always going to be an uphill battle! tough choices will have to made! always think of what is best mentally and emotionally for her! It may not be found in public school, but if it is going to be it will take a lot of help from you, the people who know her best! Listen to her and always ask for both sides of the story. Love her and you will see she will make HUGE strides! Good Luck Michelle

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School

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 2006-10-30 20:58.

Thanks Michelle, Knowing that others have been through the same troubles helps alot. If you read my other reply it explains our recent success. I am hopeful but fear that the next time things dont go the way they've been mapped out everyone frustrated for answers will start playing the blame game. (My wife and I know what thats about)You may enjoy to know that the school principal had to eat a little crow today. He was told a similar message that we have been pushing, only by experts this time and he respects their opinion. Given the information it appears that there is a real willingness (at least in the short tearm) to make the neccesary adjustments. There seems to be a different attitude today as well. I wish for all parrents with aspie kids to enjoy the feeling I had today. Not every day will feel like this I know but man it sure is something to hold on to.

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