Hi Graham, My name is Chris and my daughter Maya has been diagnosed with asperger in august. I have noticed some good advice from you like modulating your voice, remaining nutral and reminding her that I am on her side.(I found that on out on my own, so awesome) If there are any other experiences that you might be able to share, or if any other older aspies especially women might have some insight for me as to how Maya understands me and others, I would love to hear it. Tips on discipline would also be useful, apparently thowing rocks at teachers is not such a good thing. I need to know what is too harsh and what is not harsh enough. Example : Because of thowing rocks at school and before I had a chance to address it she spit at a chair. I took her glasses (no lenses) away. (she loves to wear them) I told her that she could have them back to wear at home after supper if she behaved, but could only wear them to school after a good day. Throwing rocks at people hurts them I told her. She earned the glasses back after supper; she was great. I played with her all night so there wasnt much chance of things going too wrong..except she asked over and over about bringing her glasses tommorow and almost every discussion was as dramatic as the first. I dont know how the morning will be, I will try to keep her occupied but if the glasses thing comes up it could be a bad way to start the day.

Any other Questions? Graham

Any other Questions? Graham Kendall Youth Moderator

Lots, Chris

I APPRECIATE YOUR ADVICE YOUR LAST COMMENT WAS HELPFUL. Maya had a rough day at school again. My feeling is that the educator that was assigned to her for the day (a nice girl) does not know how to be with her. Everyone there is trying to help but I am feeling that they are pushing to hard. They are crowding her and keeping on her and she seems to be overloaded. On a good note they planned alot of activities in the day and are trying. (I think) My wife showed up to pick her up to find the educator and VP dragging her down the hall each gripping her wrists. Maya was totaly lost, her pants were falling down and her shoes were off. My wife was so upset to see how a happy morning going to school (yes without her glasses she did great) had deteriorated so badly. When she tried to suggest that they were suffocating her too much, she was told "yeah but if we leave her too much space it doesnt go better". Maya is fine when she is back at home, she seems happy here and is quite affectionate with us and her granparents. WHEN YOU WERE THAT AGE DID YOU FEEL CROWDED? WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE IS FEELING AT SCHOOL? ARE PEOPLE THERE GETTING HER THAT WRONG? Feel free to answer a question I failed to ask. Thx GRAHAM


Yeah I felt crowded. I hated it when teachers did things such as that. They have to learn to talk to her or she's just going to get worse. Graham Kendall Youth Moderator


I would tell her that you have discussed the glasses already and remind her that she knows the answer. Do not continue to have to same conversation. You are reinforcing this repetative behaviour by engaging in the conversation. After you have told her once that she knows the answer if she asks again just say "I'm sorry we have discussed that already" I hope this helps. I also believe that taking away the glasses was a fair consequence for her behaviour and that earning them back is a very good thing to teach her because she will be thinking about them and remember that she needs to be good to have them. Good job! :) Jenefer Adult Moderator

Throwing rocks and glasses...

The thing I found that my parents (and younger, if you can imagine, brothers) best method in dealing with me when I kept obsessing on a subject, whether it be about a boat I wanted to buy (but realistically couldn't) or something as minor as glasses, was to make me not feel completely stupid but semi leave it in the air for me to pick up. For example, my dad would always remind me of how much I regretted doing something, such as singing at a talent show when I clearly couldn't sing (at the time). This always helped in the sense that it gave me something to think about before I went and did something that fell under similar circumstances. It is always a challenge when you realize how much you felt like an idiot and it takes time before you start falling less and less. As in for situations such as throwing rocks at teachers, its really facial expressions that get us the most. An angry or disappointed face usually gets me wondering whether or not I'm doing something wrong. It is the confusion alone that makes me stop. Its kind of like a flash bang grenade. A guy throws it into a room with the intent to disarm the person. However, its the confusion that derives from the loud !BANG! and flash that makes the individual disoriented and powerless. Get my drift? I hope this helps. Graham Kendall, Youth Moderator